On Divine Information
If there is anything I’ve learn from my studies in science or forensics even, damn nothing is ever absolutely certain. The world and what we know of it are all but good guesses and explanations of our observations built up by a plethora of people, but none of them are ever a hundred percent. The world is quite tricksy like that. Thus, I purpose something someone totally has already said before, I live without knowing, that is something I’ve always done and in fact embrace. But some things, I choose to believe that I do not know, for means of comfort. For instance, what comes after death? I cannot know. But I prefer to think of it as a peaceful place where I can stay at my leisure around others who’ve passed. Lets hope I’ve chosen rightly, but for now, just thinking of a happier place other than the horrors others have predicted, is enough to make me serene.
I’d consider myself a fan of philosophy. Someone might ask me, am I religious? I’d say maybe. To what god however I do not know, and not in a agnostic way. What we define as gods will differ between persons, but I know that were there a god, the only way to intelligently engage that question would be to understand that you can never know, much as Albert Einstein would suggest is the optimal way to approach the conversation of god. I do not know God, but something had to beget everything and the beginning, and that to me is the work of something I’ll never quite understand. No person will convince me of otherwise, for the world as I see it cannot be understood in that way. So great god, whatever you are, however you are, my words may be lost to something I cannot understand, but I feel blessed to have this experience I can call life. I feel blessed to have this existence in which I live without knowing. Compared to the other things around me, the chair, my friends, the keyboard I use to type, my experience as everything else is, is profoundly unique. In not knowing, I feel content.
On Human Co-Existence
I have experienced much, but I have a lot of beliefs on how backwards society seems to be at times, and I’m thankful of the insights I’ve been bestowed. It feels like boasting, but its true when I say that in my personal life, I have garnered a personally uncomfortable level of trust with some of my peers insomuch as them telling me of things they refuse to tell others or are still garnering the courage to tell others. Some of these things they tell me are tragic, scary, horrid, somethings totally expected, but the reason why I think this is important is just like how I'm open to those who ask of even the things I'm ashamed of, it is a human responsibility regardless of circumstance to be each others best neighbour. To think of what its like to be the other guy doesn't just mean what we all think it means, it also means to peer into their inner experience even if its difficult to do so. To realise and help, not just acknowledging, not arguing, but working together despite reluctance.
Its challenging for me to think of someone legitimately wanting the worst for humankind. We all have solutions to real problems, but our angles differ from person to person, that is what causes friction but the nature of our solutions do come from good perhaps misplaced places. I cannot help but feel like our pasts and strangities, whatevs, morally questionable, or downright criminal are rarely offered a chance for reconciliation. Cries for help, or support fall on deaf ears. There are days I remember something I'd never do again, somethings that makes me crawl up into a ball and question my life, things that haunt or taunt me in my adulthood reminding me of a past self I regret but never forget, like how I bullied that kid back in school relentlessly, or mistreated a high school Ex, or how I vomited on a mates carpet and passed out leaving them having to clean up after my dumbass. I wonder what it must be like for someone equal or worse, who wants someone to hear them because that past eats at them. It’s eaten at me, and it took a lot of courage and or time for the moment to address it to dawn on me. To want help, but to be shunned because of how hostile people have become to opposition or just bad things. Even the basic stuff that shouldn't mean much that somehow mean a whole lot to someone becomes weaponized only to deal more harm than good. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to hear that as far as society is concerned, I enjoy restorative and transformative justice, but acknowledge their weaknesses in more extreme or personal cases.
For instance, I'm a LGBT+ ally and there is no denying that, but I will admit I once was trans-critical in my life until I got my head screwed on proper. I fondly remember my thought process back then as being a proponent of "self-acceptance". Suppose change was scary then, but I hear this same thing being said by those who question trans-validity and something I've noticed is how visceral a conversation can get the moment a trans adversary says that. But honestly, while I see it faults, I also see it is perhaps coming from some kind of place of compassion as it did with I back then. I accept that possibility, and I do my best to work with, not against them. After all, the way I see it is communal justice pushing out opponents only obfuscates them but does not eliminate the problem, it lets it manifest in places where conversation is absent and mechanisms of hate and perhaps furthermore dangerous speech grows. To dehumanize is something I refuse to reckon with to the best I can.
On Living Life
Aside from how we communicate with each other, I also strongly consider ourselves. I think in life, everybody eventually finds something, and it may be multiple somethings that drives them in life. Having a loving wife and kids, making music, drawing art, adventuring, gaming, friend, whatever. But the saddest thing is many of us haven't quite discovered it yet. This something is the thing you wake up for. Its the thing that you'll never be unhappy doing. Its the thing where its hard to burnout for it. I wish everyone figured out that thing. Maybe I'm just a minority in that experience, but I would like a world where we all live for something that we love doing or living with. My closest friends have noted that I'm wierdly motivated. They often tell me about how they have this grand project, they make a start on it, and then... nothing happens for days, then weeks, then months, and so on. I've been asked "How do you stay motivated on your projects" and I'll tell them I don't have a satisfying or helpful answer. The fact is, I wake up and I want to do it, I don't want to want to do it. When I set a goal, I'll do it, and my friends see me regularly showing off the new things I've worked on, in fact, its become my reputation as the guy with too much time, ambition and motivation. The only thing I can say for certain, is I have many projects, and when I feel dull about one, I do the other. I manage my time carefully, but I always leave time for the things for me. Because as I see it, had I nothing to work on that I wanted to work on, I wouldn't have purpose, and a purposeless life is not worth living. So I give it purpose, I make my life worth living, because as long as I have something to work on that I value, I belong and want to remain.
Lastly, and unfortunately thing is where things get a wee bit sociological, I think part of the reason why the things I believe are so strained is quite simply, in order to be more open, more peaceful, more content with life with things to do, is an unfortunate bi-product of many of the structures around us. The term "Social Reproduction" is one I use and value a lot, because it refers to the ability for us as people to practice to process of reproducing ourselves, we need to rejuvenate ourselves to feel and be alive. But nowadays what are we focused on? People are stressed out with long work hours, constantly fluctuating costs and needs, perhaps they're taking care of someone how can't take care of themselves. In the modern day, there exists a large chunk, a majority even of the population that have too little time to practice social reproduction and thus many are stunted. Looking into some demographies you see fewer people are having children, there are growing sentiments of hopelessness and anger. People will go to work, come home, do a bunch of necessary physiological activities and at the end could potentially do some social reproduction, but they're so exhausted that they can't, so they slouch onto the couch watching whatevers on the telly, or flipping through short clips on our phones in this numb experience of wanting to want to do stuff, but without the energy. Most people are at an imbalance, and perhaps its balancable, but if I had to guess most aren't. We, family, friends, government, corporations, and more need to be more human, more intimate in how we understand each other. But some things are so rooted and foundational to concurrent structures that change is going to be slow.
Closing
If you're curious about political beliefs though, I'm afraid you're out of luck. Not that I wouldn't tell you, but I wouldn't write it because it'd take far too long and I wouldn't really be saying much of substance. I want whats best for everyone and the fact is, that tends to transcend what we understand as political beliefs and varies far too much to be applicable to paper.
I'm sure there is more I could write to tell you about how I percieve the world and what I value. But this is the extent of my beliefs as I can afford it in my mind at the current moment of writing.
