Who is this "Caleb"
The name is Caleb Ewins, but I'm better known by my online usernames which tend to vary based on how long you've known me. I go by Tearer450, Riveni, and Step(Up)Dev, usually just called Riv nowadays. I'm not fussed about the pronouns I'm referred by, but They/He suffice enough if you'd feel more comfortable using them. I stick to a very close small group of friends some I've known for as long as a decade, they're good people, and they're part of the reason why I'm as content as I am today. I would describe myself as a "realistic optimist" that meaning, that my outlook on life acknowledges the real with as much precision as applicable but looks as its harsh fixtures and apply a bright side of life perspective to hardship. To struggle and suffer is human, but to overcome that is equally as human. To stress and dread allows for change and action, which I pride myself on with my work in spite of hardship.
To tell ya the truth, the person you're reading about is quite the prolific shut-in. I can't say I turn down new experiences often, but comfort zones are more where I prefer to find new experiences so to speak. The biggest thing you'll pick up on in my interests is my intense and thus far unshakable resolve and motivation to work on things that give my life purpose and meaning. I LOVE making art and developing games, digital and physical. Unforunately though at least subjectively, I tend to pick out challenges and larger project plans which require a lot of learning, effort, and most importantly time. This in part is not a problem for me, as I once heard of this thing called a "golden moment" where you have bursts of energy. Those bursts of energy for me I don't seek. I set goals and meet or overshoot them, burnout is merely a suggestion to work on another thing of the same project. Progress must be made, and nothing can be lost. I am my work, and without it I ought to be nothing.
In my personal life I'm a Kiwi, or for those unfamiliar with that term "New Zealand Dweller" from a half queer family with three sibling sisters, and cats. I attended Pukete Primary school followed by Peachgrove Intermediate, briefly in Frazer High, and for the majority of my High School life Hamilton Boys High School (HBHS) all within Hamilton or as us Kiwis call it "The Tron". As a note big thanks to my mother for being a collosal pain in the arse and getting me to "undropkickify" myself, I've quite the history with being a target of violent bullying, my educational prowess floudered until she helped me reorient myself once my circumstances became significantly less hostile.
Upon reaching my penultimate adulthood I ventured out of Waikato to the South Island to do my tertiary education at the University of Otago in Dunedin and have attained a Bachelors of Science and Arts in both Sociology and Forensic Analytical Science. I have extensive knowledge in criminological concepts, theory and ideas as well as sociological. I also have understandings in varieties of scientific disciplines in genetics, general anatomy, microbiology, forensic chemistry, and forensics in general. I originally planned to do Forensic Psychology as my major until Forensic Science walked into the door. One thing lead to another and I decided to do a double major in Arts and Science. I chose Sociology as my second major because of a genuine anxiety I have in scentific discipline which is that science especially forensic and digital historically often struggle to have a conscious actualization of social consequence, meanings, and perspectives. Sociology is an undoubtly massive compliment to how I apply myself in my forensic analytical science major. I regret none any of my education, in fact I enjoyed it all so thoroughly I intentionally put myself in hot water and hard to tackle challenges in unfamiliar territories, all the while I meticulously micro-managed my time to work on myself and my projects.
My eldest sister is whom I have spent the most time with having played many games, discussed many things, and bickered as siblings do regularly. It was only around 2007 though I noticed she got into no-living a self taught expertise in many multiple coding avenues, I followed suit in some part. It was 2009 when I joined what was called the "Yoyo Games Sandbox" where I made games using very basic GML code under the name "Tearer450" regularly talking with creators in my at the time rudimentary english spelling, they were supportive and friendly. I was fascinated by games, and game development and I've been dabbling with game development on and off until I was fully on board in 2017 when I met some of my closest friends of the time with similar ambitions. It was also around this time I picked up on Dungeons and Dragons (D&D). I made many game prototypes and many art assets, and while I've made games I never really properly published them outside of on high school servers. D&D caught my attention big time though, what drew me in though was that I noticed some things missing from D&D that I felt ought to be there. In conjunction with random project work, D&D and project Yarntales has been a flagship ambitious project designed to provide a unique D&D experience that fills the holes I wanted filled, all with a unique identity I've imparted from my game development projects. Project Yarntales so far has gone through two iterations, and I'm currently working on the third transitioning in a full overhaul.
My personal work has lead me to become a regular creative writer and artist. I can suprisingly still code in HTML after a decade ago of education on the matter, and have evolved in my understanding of GML coding in game development. In addition to all my work I have picked up additional skills to further build this grand design that I've been yearning to complete ranging from learning the piano, to learning some musical theory, and learning how to make music digitally. I've also immersed myself in different communities of people that have imparted a lot of criticism, ideas, and skills unto me which has allowed me to do 2D animating, and 3D modelling.
I am also very invested in the video games industry, a purponent against anti-consumer rhetoric and hostile business practices, and especially for the restoration of both the planet as well as ease of social reproduction. Back in 2015 I fondly remember I was a one man army protesting loot boxes in my school, I must've looked manic to my peers but the shit eatting grin I had when things only got worse and stands start getting taken was glorious. I can't say I'm without any influence in my beliefs though. Alongside my education and opinions that've formed with increasing growth, my biggest role models have been Ben "Yahtzee Croshaw", John "Totalbiscuit" Bain, James "Stephanie" Sterling, and Lucas Pope. There are also a handful of philosophical ideas and unique perspectives I've attained from many writers of many books that've profoundly helped in my understandings, even despite my toxic dislike of some of their takes.
On more general notes, if you are so interested in the more definite tastes and wierdnesses. I can't simply name favourites so I'll list varieties of what I like and what I've done/do!
Video Games: Blood (DOS 1997), Jak and Daxter Series, Half Life Series, Sly Series, New Blood Games
Table Games: Gloomhaven, Chess, Codenames, Century Spice Road, Various TTRPGs
Musicians/Bands: Sigur Ros, FM-84, Carpenter Brut, Meganeko, Massive Attack, Andrew Hulshult
Content Creators: Jerma985, Yahtzee19/ZP, Dexbonus, Criken2, Charborg
Books: The Knife of Never Letting Go, Baudrillard the Art of Disappearance, At the Mountains of Madness
Movies/Shows: 9, Gravity Falls, Mr. Robot, Regular Show, Wes Andersons Fantastic Mr Fox, Treasure Planet
Casual Hobbies: Cooking is Awesome!
My Pets (All Cats): Monkey (RIP), Abraxis and Twilly (Named after Adventure Quest and a Sacrifice Wizard)
In closing, you glorious scholar who took time to read this jazz, thats me! Thanks for reading, you can read more if you dare in the about page sub pages. For ol times sake too, "Keep Safe out there lads, ladettes, and all else inbetween".
